and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
