the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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