I am spending my child support on dildos
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
