my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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