I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
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Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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