Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
