college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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