why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
40s are totally the cure
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
