Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
false alarm, still single
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
