Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
