Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
