i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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