If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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