he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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