I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
