Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
