Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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