He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
