apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't EVER smell your tampon
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
