we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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