Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
