Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
