Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
