It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
