I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize