Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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