Reggie can tackle my bush.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
is it fun? or sober?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
