Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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