Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
