just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So squirting runs in the family.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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