i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
