Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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