woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
