Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
