he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
