Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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