So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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