Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
