alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
