Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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