Pappa wants mamma naked
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
