We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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