ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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