Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
