I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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