I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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