Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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