I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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