well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
