We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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