I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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