i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Bring me that man meat
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
