So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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