i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
