I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize