the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
