I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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