dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
