all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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