Non-Jews are for practice
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
