the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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