Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
