you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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