How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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