Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
