i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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