Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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