I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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