I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
