Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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